Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
