After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
