like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize