I just saw a hot homeless man
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is the high leading the old right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
