I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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