Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
