Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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