he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
