You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
