her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
