He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so let's talk penis.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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