the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
