it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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