Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
