I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
