Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
