Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I want is dick and wine.
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