I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize