Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
