Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize