I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found the puke drawer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
