8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and she was petting her beer can
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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