Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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