So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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