Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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