I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
