I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
