as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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