New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
