WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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