Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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