When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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