It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
