nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
