I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
