I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
