just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
