I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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