Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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