I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
