this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
