I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
