I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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