D3 body, D1 cock
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I want to fling myself into the sun
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
