Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
