I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize