im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
