I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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