my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
