haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
