Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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