i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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