you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
