I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
