people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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