Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
