He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
