I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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