Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
as a side note pls kill me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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