There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
