2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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