I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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