Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
