i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
