So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
