you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
