Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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