She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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