Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
